just ordinary story

Yeah, I'm exciting for that journey. But I hate it when people just give me that 'ah you? Really?' look. Oh please, u think I can't pass this throuuuugh?
You know what? I hate when people looked at me with that 'underestimate' eyes. Yes, I hate it!
I'm not that spoiled girl who always going everywhere with a car, buy new branded bags, go around this world, enjoying every fancy thing!
No, I'm not like that. I love travelling, adventuring, and something like that. You know what? Even I hate airplane! I hate airport. And I love train instead.
Right, this is my first experience to go by a train in economi class then whyyyy???? There's always 'the first time' for everything rite?
This is my first time, but I'm sure I can go through this situation.
you can talk to me everything, but I'll show u what I have inside! U'll see me sit on the train in economi class! Okaaaay. :) :)



Ps: by theeee waaaay. Thanks for caring me like that. I'm happy to hear what u said. Buuut, it made me feel like a roller coaster again and of course made me expect too much! Yeah, u fly me high, and I just counting down when the right time (for you) to push me down. Doh! Thank you!

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i feel something bad inside. i don't know why, or even i don't know what. i just feel this heart beats unwell-like always. but it's weird, more than before. by the way, at any moment, i think maybe it's because of many book i've read that makes me going weird like this. but i think about it again. no, not because of that.

it happens inside this heart. there's something wrong inside. but i still dont know what! there's a lot of things happened in this 2010. and maybe this is too much. mixed too much. yes i repeat again. too much.

things come and go easily, like what i said, but they'd never completely gone. they go, for sure. but they give me a part of them. they left something from them to me. and it's going weird of course. OF COURSE!

now, maybe i can tell you it might be something happened inside. but you know what? it happened so wrong again. something wroooong. i dont how to describe it. it's weird.

maybe like this, uhmmm it's about dream, love, wish, God, rules, heartbeat, lyric, surprise, care, mail, shot message, story, and imagination.

that's the clue i've got. could u help me to solve this game?

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the memory lives just come and go easily
i'm going to try to erase all of that things
but i can't ignore every slide that showing every part of it
when i feel the pain inside
and believe it breaks away something important i had before
the memories just take it all over again
and just fix it like a puzzle
even the puzzle never been perfect as before
it seems so good to be seen from here.
pretty just same like yesterday




maybe, i have to wait
waiting for the memories
not waiting for come again and over again
but waiting when is the right time this just go away
when is the right time for the memories get tired to fix it?
so, it could be never fixed again.
and i can throw it all far.

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setiap sikapmu dan perkataanmu yang begitu manis terasa seperti nikotin yang baru saja aku ijinkan mengalirkan racunnya dalam tubuhku.
sesaat setelah nikotin itu habis terisap, semakin aku menginginkannya, lagi dan lagi.

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I'm going sick of it.
I love God, and of course, he loves God too.
God loves me, and of course, God loves him too.
I admit it, I love him, but it's going bad, because God is between us.
And you know why I said it's going bad?

Because we call 'God' in different ways.

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I'm tired. So tired.
I'm tired by following you how to play with this game.

I'm tired. So tired.
I'm tired by trying to understand every single words you said. Try to look deep down inside ur smile, or inside ur warm eyes when u look into my eyes.I'm tired by trying to read every move u made when u're with me.

I'm tired. So tired.
I'm tired with this uneasy heartbeat. With this f*cking insomnia. With this insane emotion.

I'm tired. So tired.
I'm tired, when I'm flying so high and touching the cloud, playing with the star, or even kissing the moon, theeeennn??? U just push me down! And I feel the pain inside. And after that? When I can forget about the pain, u just do the same thing. Make it repeat. And I'm so damn stupid to do the same thing again.

I'm tired. So tired.
I'm tired with this game. Can we just finish this game? Can weeee???
And eventhough I have to face the game is over, and I'm the loser one, I am ready. I'm so ready to lose you.

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im playing with this fire.
and i cant take it under my control.

im playing with this heart
and it just so hart to control this kind of feeling.

its not what i want to be happened
this is not what i asked for.

this feeling was going so colorful.
but now? its going so blue.

im not asking for this feeling
it just came so fast and unpredictable.

what u did, what u said, what u sent.
it was supersweet.

but what can i do?

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where r u?
r u just go away?
hey, i still need u
to deny the another one.
please, don't be like this
i can't handle it alone.
hey, can u understand??
I NEED YOU
please, for this time only.
where r u?
why r u just go away?
just fly away like a dust?
please, i still want you to be here.
i want you to be stayed in here,
and i can deny the another one.
i don't know what can i do now.
when you just go away
and the another one come in to my life
hey, please stay
i need you.

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You've made my mood up and down
You've made my heart beats unwell
You've made my world spinning round and round
You've made my mind just stick back around you and you
You've made me addicted to you
You've made me hard to take a breath
You've made me headache
And even sometimes you've made me heartache
You give me something that I feel so... HEAVEN
Yes, sometimes it hurts, but I had so much fun with all of that.
I can tell what kind of feeling. But all that I know, it's soooo wonderful!

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I do afraid. What should I do? what can I do? It just going too fast like a waterfall. I can't take it under my control. Please, I'm afraid. Too afraid.

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if only i can
i won't choose you
if only i can
i will take you out
if only i can
i will deny this feeling
if only i can
i want to hate you in my whole life
if only....

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saya tau, ini ga adil. tapi bukannya memang hidup terkadang tak memihak pada kita?
saya tau, ini menyakitkan. tapi bukannya memang manusia harus merasakan sakit sebelum bahagia datang?
saya tau, saya jahat. tapi saya hanya berusaha jujur pada diri sendiri.
saya tau, waktunya tidak pas. tapi, mau kapan lagi? saya lelah mengulur waktu.
saya tau, caranya salah. tapi hanya ini yang bisa saya lakukan.

terima kasih, untuk teguran teguran atas sikap saya yang kadang suka kelewat batas.
terima kasih, untuk kata kata manis yang kadang suka kelewat gombal.
terima kasih, untuk kedua telinga yang kamu sediakan untuk mendengar curhat ga penting saya.
terima kasih, untuk saran saran yang kamu berikan setelahnya.
terima kasih, untuk waktu yang saya todong untuk mengantar saya pulang ke bogor atau bahkan ke jatinangor.
terima kasih, untuk sms-sms singkat yang kamu rutin kirimkan.
terima kasih, untuk telefon berjam-jam tengah malam.
terima kasih, untuk segala pengertian atas sikap aku yang kekanakan.
terima kasih, untuk senyum, tawa, bahkan tangis yang kita bagi bersama.
terima kasih, untuk lebih dari 365 hari yang kamu bagi dengan saya.


さようなら. ありがとう. it's enough for us.

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ketika semua impian dan cita cita terkubur sia sia. ketika air mata ga berhenti keluar. ketika lagu mellow diulang berkali kali. dan ketika kata kata saya tiba tiba sok puitis. yes, saya rapuh. saya ga mau munafik dan sok kuat. karena saya tau pasti, saya rapuh, sedih, mau marah, mau teriak sekenceng-kencengnya.
kecewa, pasti. apa yang udah saya jalanin selama lebih dari setaun ini adalah berakhir gitu aja? terlalu banyak kenangan, terlalu banyak senyum, tawa, sampe nangis bareng juga terlalu banyak. terlalu banyak kata kata manis sampe argumen pedas. terlalu banyak dan rasanya ga tega buat dibuang. ga rela tepatnya.
ga nyangka secepet ini dan ga nyangka dengan cara ini. hmmmmm. yes, saya rapuh, sekali lagi, saya rapuh.
semoga saya bisa kuat dan cheer up lagi ya, teman teman. time to move on.

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waaah, weekend ini senang tak terkira, walaupun agak kecewa karena gagal masuk penyaringan 100 besar queenbee dan gagal jalan bareng si jeyek jumat malam, akhirnya kita jadi jalan juga sabtu siang.
hehehe. terlalu pagi kan buat saturday nite?
tapi, lumayan puas juga keliling bandung, walaupun sama sama ga tau jalan di bandung, jadi benar-benar mengandalakan GPS aplikasi hp aja deh.
jadinya, kita ke dago atas, sempet mau ke sierra, tapi kurang oke kalo siang kayaknya, jadiii, karena ujan juga kita makan yamien di warung lela, and finally, saya menemukan juga dimana warung lela berada.
setelah puas makan yamien, ke kafe halaman, nemenin jeyek makan sop buntut, dan berakhir di cizz, huaaaaah, makan yamien aja udah kenyaaang banget.
tapi yang pasti senaaaaaaang.
i miss you, jeyeeeek. already.
;)

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i won't wait
i hate to wait

i won't hear
i don't need ur words

i want to see
u can't show it to me

i want to try
but i think i'm stuck

yes, i'm so tired!

Maybe we're trying Trying too hard Maybe we're torn apart Maybe the timing Is beating our hearts We're empty (the clickfive-empty)

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Boleh tidak saya merasa putus asa?
Bolehkah saya merasa jalan yang saya tempuh ini salah?
Kekecewaan saya sudah bertumpuk.
Terlalu banyak malah.
Memenuhi fikir dan rasa.
Yang anehnya, entah mengapa saya tak bisa ungkapkan.
Biarlah saya rasakan sendiri.
Karena untuk berbagi, rasanya sulit sekali.

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